.. I am ..

Isn't there something just super special about music? I wish I could listen to it more often than I get to. Like when I'm writing exams - they'd be much less stressful if I could just block out the rest of the world and get lost, in music, and in myself, and in what needed to be done. I understand why we can't listen to it, because people are boneheads, and they will use any means possible to cheat [and things like ipods would make that so super easy, it's unreal]. But still, it's a thought.

I'm having trouble with myself lately. That doesn't really sound like it makes sense, but I guess that's logical, all things being equal. I'm confused byself, and confused by life. [what else is new though]. Case in point:

• I want to be take better care of myself, but I can't dedicate myself to eating healthy and exercising. I am eating BETTER though, even if not all the time
• I want to keep up to date with my school work, but it seems like lately I just can't get motivated. i'm behind in two of my four classes, and only caught up in the other two because I had midterms in then last thursday and today
• I want to be independent, but I'm having trouble dealing with being on my own.

I like to be by myself, I hate to be
alone, I'm up and I am down....

[-- Hilary Duff, I Am]

• i'm still struggling with being so emotional and so....reactive to things. I still get so angry, and overwhelmed...so upset and frustrated...so lonely and sad. I thought I'd moved on from this, that I had left this part of me in the past where it belongs, but apparently not. I don't think it's necessarily bad a person who feels and experiences things fully, but I do think it's bad to as emotional as I can be.